The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
