I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
