How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
