that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize