Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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