I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize