i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize