who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
