:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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