is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
