Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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