Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
