Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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