i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
