Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
