So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
