Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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