you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
