Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
