I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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