Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
