don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
