If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
