This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
