did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
