Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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