I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
