...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
