My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
