Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
