i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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