So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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