Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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