I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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