I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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