She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Let's get the cat blown out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
