I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
