I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
