Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
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