i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
