cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
