just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
