i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
