I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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