end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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