Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize