I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
