At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
