im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
