He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize