I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
