She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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