He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
