My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize