i don't like sucking hair
my phone needs a breathalizer
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
