There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize