I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
