I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
