if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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