It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
