he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
