And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
