i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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