Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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