her vagine was all disorganized.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sext me about skeletons
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
