If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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