I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
